


My heart wasn't in it.

by Chlobliviate



Series: A Very Potter Christmas [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bi!Remus, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Presents, Christmas Shopping, Coming Out, Gay!Sirius, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era, Marlene deserved more, Pan!Remus, Remus also comes out, Sirius comes out, sorry marlene, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-09
Packaged: 2019-02-12 15:53:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12962877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chlobliviate/pseuds/Chlobliviate
Summary: Based on the prompt - “You’re bad at Christmas Shopping and you asked me to help and oh my god, nobody wants salad tongs as a present”Sirius asks Remus to help him with his Christmas shopping.





	My heart wasn't in it.

“Moooooony. Moon Moon. Moons. Moon to my Star. Delightful nocturnal light source.”

“The moon is not a source of light, Pads.” Remus didn’t even look up from his book. “It reflects light, doesn’t emit it. It’s also far from delightful.”

“You’re so smart, Re. So, so smart. Borderline genius, I’d say.” 

“What do you want, Sirius?” He finally looked up and held back laughter at the sight of Sirius holding a huge bar of Honeydukes milk chocolate. 

“Well, you know that it’s the last Hogsmeade trip before Christmas today?” Sirius started, handing him the chocolate. “James is on a date with Lily and Pete has detention and I need help with my Christmas shopping, and I know you’ve had yours done since November, and maybe you could join me and be a positive influence.”

“I’ve been trying to be a positive influence for the last six and a half years, and I have yet to see any evidence that it has made even a tiny bit of difference.”

“I’m truly hurt, Moony. Mortally wounded. I shall die here at the foot of your bed.” Sirius held his hand to his forehead. “Alone and unloved.”

“You’re not alone. I’m here.” Remus said, bored. His eyes had already flicked back to the book. “Unless you think I’m just a figment of your imagination.”

“But I _am_ unloved?” Sirius wailed.

“Sirius, if I agree to go with you, will you shut up?” Remus sighed.

“I won’t say another word, not a peep.” Sirius mimed locking his lips and throwing away the key. Remus sighed, hauling himself off his bed, he smoothed down his jumper and jeans. “Come on, you look fine.”

“Fine?” He said incredulously.

“Gorgeous. Drop dead Gorgeous. Very shaggable. Hurry up.” Once Remus had his shoes and robes on, Sirius grabbed his friend’s arm and dragged him out of their room. He didn’t notice the blush that rose in Remus’ cheeks. He also didn’t notice the hurt on Marlene’s face as he dragged Remus past her. It had been months since they’d broken up but Remus knew from Lily that she was still hoping for a reconciliation, and Christmas, according to Marlene, was the perfect and most romantic time to do it.

“Pads are you sure you want _me_ to go with you and not anybody else?” He asked loudly and pointedly. 

Sirius stopped and looked at Remus like he’d grown a second head. “Why would I want to go with anybody else? You’re the only person that I need.” They both heard the groan of frustration from behind them and Marlene storm up the stairs to the girls’ dormitory. “Bollocks. Is she still thinking that we’re going to get back together?”

“According to Lily, yes.” Remus hoped his cheeks weren’t as red as they felt.

Sirius stopped and turned around, checking that the common room was empty. “Can I tell you something? I haven’t even told James and I just want to…” He inhaled sharply, “Get it out there.”

“You can tell me anything, you know that.” Remus was slightly concerned about whatever it was that even James didn’t know, but he put on a smile for Sirius.

“The reason I broke up with Marlene, well, the main reason. I’m not attracted to girls.” He paused, waiting, for his friend’s reaction. “At all.”

“Oh.” Remus said quietly. 

Sirius’ expression turned to panic. “Oh fuck. You don’t hate me do you?”

“No, of course not.” Remus laughed softly, “That would be somewhat hypocritical, wouldn’t it?”

“Would it?” Sirius looked confused.  
“Sirius, did you really believe that I was helping Benjy Fenwick study last year? He was in the year above us.”

“Yeah, but you’re really clever.” Sirius countered. “So you’re saying that you’re…”

“I like both, all, I don’t know. Gender isn’t an issue for me, I just like people for who they are. Doesn’t matter to me what bits they’ve got.”

“Are you serious?”

“No, I think you’ll find that’s you.” He said, kindly. “But yes, I think the term is bisexual. There aren’t any books about it in the school library, and what I found in the muggle library over the summer was less than helpful.”

“Only you would think you might not be straight and go running to the library." Sirius grinned, "So you like girls too? That’s a thing?” Sirius asked.

“It’s definitely a thing.”

“ _It doesn’t matter to me what bits they've got_ , Moony, you’re a card.” Sirius pulled his friend into a hug. “Thank you for not being an arsehole.”

“Anytime.” He gestured towards the portrait hole and they started walking again, “When are you planning to tell the others?”

“I don’t have any plans, I just wanted you to know. It felt important that _you_ knew.” 

The butterflies in Remus’ stomach that had appeared when Sirius had told him his news, felt like they were the size of hippogrifs now. “Well, thank you. That means a lot.”

They left through the portrait and were soon on their way to Hogsmeade. “Ok, I have to buy for James, Peter, Lily and Mum and Dad.”

Remus loved Sirius’ smile when he called Mr and Mrs Potter ‘Mum and Dad’, “Not for me?”

“I got your present sorted ages ago.” Sirius smirked. “You’re the easiest to buy for.”

“Sirius, if you’ve bought me another sordid werewolf novel…”

“I haven’t! Though ‘Show me your teeth’ _was_ thrilling.” He winked at Remus. Remus’ heart felt like it stopped. Sirius winked at him all the time. He winked at all of them. Everyone, in fact. Didn’t he? Remus couldn’t decide why this wink felt different, he knew that he found his friend attractive, and now he knew that his friend was gay, and therefore could there be a possibility that… Remus shook himself from this daydream. The Sirius Blacks of the world dated other Sirius Blacks, there’s no room for a Remus Lupin, a poor, half-blood, werewolf. Maybe he should see if Benjy wanted to meet up over the Christmas break. “You’re not even listening to me, are you?”

“Sorry Pads, I was miles away.”

“I said that you should stay here for Christmas. I’d stay too, then you don’t have to be alone for the moon. I hate the thought of you locked in a shed on your own on Christmas night.” Remus had tried to block out the fact that December’s full moon fell on Christmas Day this year.

“You have the Potters now, I can’t ask you to miss Christmas with them.”

“I already asked if I could stay, said it’s because it’s the last Christmas we’ll have here, and they agreed. The offer’s there if you want it.” Sirius smiled bashfully, “I understand if you don’t, because James won’t be here and Peter and I-”

“That’s a really thoughtful idea. Thank you.” Remus mumbled as they reached Hogsmeade. “I’ll think about it and maybe owl my mum later.”

“Ok, so I was thinking something kitcheny for Mum, so can we go to Gilbert’s Gastronomy?” Sirius dragged Remus over to the shop. The snow was thicker in Hogsmeade than it was up at the school, and the bottom of Remus’ jeans were starting to soak up water.

As they entered the shop, Remus asked, “What kind of kitcheny thing did you have in mind?”

“She eats a lot of salad, maybe some salad tongs.” 

“Salad tongs? Sirius, I’m sorry but nobody wants salad tongs as a present. You really are very bad at this.” Sirius pouted, “Ok, what’s your budget?”

“No more than ten Galleons per person.” Sirius knew that to Remus that would be an extortionate amount of money but his friend didn’t bat an eye. 

“Ok, what if you got all of the ingredients for her favourite cake and put them together in an attractive jar or something, and suspend them?” Remus suggested. “She’s your mum, she won’t want you spending ten Galleons on her, I’m sure she’d much rather you got her something creative that you know she’ll like.”

“Remus.” Sirius’s mouth was wide open. “I’m coming shopping with you every year. How do you do that?”

“Do what?”

“Make useful suggestions.” 

“I think about who I’m buying for and what they like?” Remus shrugged. “What about a bottle of Regerminating Potion for your Dad too? To help save some of the ingredients that always die off at this time of year.”

“You’re a much better son than I am.” Sirius pouted.

“It’s not about being a better son, you twat. You just have to think about what people will like. It’s not difficult.”

“That’s easy for you to say. I never celebrated Christmas before Hogwarts.” Sirius frowned, “Mother dearest thought Christianity was inherently anti-magic, which I guess it is. But yeah, no Christmas.”

“She’s not your mum now, though. She _is_ , however, a bitch.” Remus laughed as Sirius’ mouth dropped open again. 

“This is proving to be an enlightening trip Moons.”

“Sirius, I swear in front of you all the time, and you know I hate that woman.” Remus sighed, “Do tell me how you feel enlightened.”

“It’s just nice to hear you say it.” Sirius said in a small voice.

Remus touched his shoulder gently. “I’d be more than happy to shout it outside of Grimmauld Place.”

“Nah, she’d hex you, and I like you just the way you are.” Sirius definitely didn’t blush as he said this, it was just warm in the shop. Just very warm.

“Ok, so that’s your mum and dad sorted.” Remus said quickly, “What about James?”

“Something quidditchy?” Sirius shrugged, “Or something obscure and muggle that he can witter on to Evans about endlessly.”

“Sirius, are you jealous of Lily?” Remus froze, “Do you… y’know… like James?”

“Oh Merlin, no. That’s disgusting Moony. He’s my brother!” Sirius yelped, “That would be like… like… fancying Reg.” His face darkened, “No, I don’t fancy James. Not him.”

“Ok, I was just asking.” Remus put his hands up in surrender. “But there is a him?”

“Christmas presents.” Sirius said pointedly. “What about Lily? You know her pretty well.”

“She loves books and music.” Remus thought hard, “Trip to the book shop and the quidditch supplies shop and Honeydukes for Pete?”

“Sounds like a plan to me. Fancy a pint after?”

“Three Broomsticks?”

“Nah, that’s where Lames will be. Hogs Head?” Sirius asked, almost nervously.

“I mean it smells, but they’ll actually serve me, so alright.”

“Only three months to go, and you’ll be served everywhere.” 

“Ah yes, l’m simply thrilled to be getting older.” Remus deadpanned. “In six months you’ll be off to Auror training with James, Pete will be doing… whatever Pete does, Lily’s going to study for her Potions Mastery and where does that leave me?” 

“Moony…”

“Sorry, that wasn’t fair. I didn’t mean to offload that on you.” Remus shook his head, “I just wish I knew that I could have a decent future.”

“Come and live with me.” Sirius blurted out. “I bought a flat in London with Al’s inheritance. It’s got two huge bedrooms and it’s really near Diagon Alley and LSMM.”

“What?”

“London School of Mastery of Magic. You should get your Defence Mastery, you’d ace it. It gives you some more time to think about your future too.”

“Sirius, it’s not just about time to think. Nobody wants to hire a werewolf. Thanks to Mr Scamander, I’m pretty much unemployable.” He looked at the floor, “So I wouldn’t be able to pay you rent.”

“Did I ask you for rent?” Sirius scoffed, “Once you’re done, you should ask Dumbles for a job here. Even if it’s just a support job at first. Get a foot in the door, y’know.”

“He’s already done so much for me, Pads. I couldn’t ask him for another favour.”

“You’d be doing _him_ a favour, if anything. I’ve seen you tutor the fifth years and they love it, and they do really well.” Sirius put his hand on his friend’s shoulder, “Just think about it. We’d have a ball in a flat together, and I really don’t want rent from you. I’d be lonely on my own.”

“I’ll think about it.” Remus smiled nervously at him, “Thank you.”

“Come on, Hogs Head. My treat.” Sirius grabbed Remus’ hand and led him through the crowded streets until they reached the dingy pub. Remus grabbed a table near the back of the room, while Sirius bought them both pints of mead with a firewhiskey chaser.

“Are you trying to get me drunk?” Remus arched an eyebrow. 

“Am I- Well- What- No!” Sirius stammered, cheeks turning pink. “I just- Firewhiskey’s good for the cold, and I know you feel the cold.”

“That’s very thoughtful, Pads.” Remus took a sip of the mead and winced at the strength. “I shall enjoy the stagger back to school later.”

“So has there been anyone since Benjy?” Sirius asked, “Wait, you’re not still with him are you?”

“No, I’m not. We saw each other over the summer a couple of times but he could tell my heart wasn’t in it, I think. There hasn’t been anyone since, probably for similar reasons. I’ve turned Lockhart down four times since October.”

“That flouncy twat from Ravenclaw?” Remus nodded, “Good, you could do a hell of a lot better.”

“Don’t make me give you the ‘werewolf with no prospects’ lecture again.”

“I mean it!” Sirius insisted, “Benjy was more like it, but still not… your heart wasn’t in it?”

“No.” Remus said quietly. He threw back the shot of firewhiskey and closed his eyes as it burnt its way down his throat. 

“Was your heart… somewhere else?” Sirius’ eyes were wide. 

“I’m sure Benjy would say that, yes.”

“And you?”

“Well, I suppose I’d be inclined to agree, even if they’d never look twice at me.” Remus was grateful for the open fire that crackled near them, which, if asked, he could attribute his pink cheeks to.

“Well they must be blind then. Who is it? Maybe I can put some feelers out for you.” Sirius forced a smile. 

“It doesn’t matter, it’s not important.” Remus shook his head, “What about you? Got your eye on anyone?”

“Yes, both of them.” Sirius stared at Remus.

“What?” Remus didn’t want to misunderstand Sirius. “Both of the people or both of your… eyes?”

Sirius leaned in slowly, allowing Remus to stop him if he wanted to. He thought he should stop him, but he found himself leaning across and pressing his lips to Sirius’ softly. He brought up his hand, which got lost in Sirius’ dark curtain of hair, while Sirius’ hand cupped his jaw gently. After a few minutes, Sirius pulled away.

“I’m sorry, I just…” Sirius shrugged. “I just thought maybe…”

“Don’t apologise.” Remus said breathily. “My heart was definitely in that.”

“It was?”

“I’m pretty certain, though we could give it another go to be sure.” Remus’ eyes twinkled at him and Sirius grabbed him by the collar and pulled him in again.

**Author's Note:**

> Sirius' gift to Remus was several textbooks that were required reading for a Defence Mastery, 10 bars of Remus' favourite Honeydukes chocolate, a t shirt that said 'who's afraid of the big bad wolf?' and one extra steamy sordid werewolf novel.


End file.
